Sunday, November 7, 2010

Webb's Best


A couple of posts previously I touted what I considered the best comedy show of OTR, Fibber McGee & Molly.
This trip down the OTR highway, I'd like to take everyone to the best detective show.
OK, maybe not the best plot wise or longest running, but certainly the most unusual.
"Pat Novak For Hire."
This little gem starred Jack Webb. The Pat Novak series with Webb lasted only nineteen episodes. It ran from February through June of 1949.
The basic premise concerned Novak who owned a legitimate boat charter service in San Francisco trying to economically survive. Due to continued lack of business, Novak would hire out doing odd jobs. Most of the odd jobs, were shady & involved tough guys & dangerous dames & always led to murder, which of course, Novak would get the blame. It co-starred Raymond Burr as Police Inspector Hellman, a belligerent cop who really hated Novak & only wanted to either lock him up or send him to the electric chair, regardless as to what the evidence revealed. Burr was about 8 years from starring as Perry Mason on TV.
It is best known among its fans for being fast paced with plenty of action. The finest thing about Pat Novak For Hire was the rapid fire one liners amongst the characters, & the hard boiled narrative . Here are some examples of that dialog.

"Around here a set of morals won't cause any more stir than Mother's Day in an orphanage."
"She was at least 50, because you can't get that ugly without years of practice."
"I better have a drink first. There's an ugly taste in my mouth. I think it's saliva."
"She sauntered in, moving slowly from side to side like 118 pounds of warm smoke."
"You can't afford to have them start laughing at you. People will get the idea it's your face."
"She was kind of pretty, except you could see somebody had used her badly, like a dictionary in a stupid family."
"Somebody had gone duck hunting in the middle of his back."
"I began to think about the .32 caliber pistol. It's a woman's weapon--well, that doesn't prove anything, so's a bread knife if she's in a bad mood."
"You're always in trouble, Patsy. You're a child of adversity, a son of scorn. The fates spit in your eye, and you try to retaliate, but the wind's always blowing in the wrong direction."
"You'd like to fight for some strange fantastic cause, wouldn't you, Patsy? But you can't find anybody your size. Men are too small, and the gods are too big."
"Did your friend get his face at a fire sale too."
"The street was as deserted as a warm bottle of beer."
"I looked up the only honest guy I know, an ex-doctor and a boozer by the name of Jocko Madigan, a good guy, but to him a hangover is the price of being sober."
"When she opened the door, I found out what the right kind of breakfast food'll do. She was wearing a slack suit without much slack."
"My head must have looked like a jackpot--everyone in town was hitting it."
"She had nice hair, and the dress helped too. It was dark blue and had a v-neck, but the designer believed in big letters."
"She was a real pretty nurse, if you like pure mammal."
"She looked real good sitting there in a white crepe dress. It was one of those tight fitting babies that made a bathing suit look like a toga."
"She was in her 30s and pushing 40 hard enough to bruise it."
"I rent boats and do anything else that goes with a weak will and a strong stomach."

Of course Jack Webb went on to bigger things as director & star of Dragnet, both on radio & TV. He also was the creative force behind such TV shows like "Emergency" & "Adam 12". An interesting post script. When Webb died in 1982, he was interred in the Forest Lawn, Hollywood Hills Cemetery in Los Angeles, and was given a funeral with full police honors. On Webb's death Chief Daryl Gates announced that badge number 714 which was used by his Joe Friday character in Dragnet would be retired. Mayor Tom Bradley of Los Angeles ordered all flags lowered to half-staff in Webb's honor for a day.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

What a whacky night


The spouse & I had just drifted off to sleep when a loud pounding on our door, coupled with the dog barking woke us up.
Going downstairs to see what idiot was banging on our door at that time of night, I damn near crapped pants when there appeared at the door a beefy policeman telling us that there was a "SWAT situation" & we would have to evacuate our home.
Well it turns out that one of our townhouse neighbors had caused a ruckus & the cops were called to his home. (Details are sketchy as I don't know what exactly prompted the call to the cops, or who initiated the call. More info awaits when more neighbors return.) After evacuating, the missus , dog & I settled into the family car down the block to wait out the event. We later did find out the the loony when confronted by the police had threatened to blow himself up. That alone was the reason for the evacuation.
From the safety our the car we watched some text book operations. Townhouse surrounded by minimum 20 cops/SWAT team.(just in the front) Street cordoned off, armored vehicles, sniper rifles. Like living a Bruce Willis movie. The whole operation from evacuation to the all clear (they busted the moron) took about 4 1/2 - 5 hours. They even had a police chaplain present.
After the nut job threatened to blow himself up, the police cut the natural gas supply to minimize any potential damage to neighboring townhomes (ours included).
Xcel Energy had to come out to relight the water heaters & the furnaces after the all clear was given. A great time was had by all except the dumbass loony.
Now a bit of background of crazy boy.
We, and not just the wife & I, but the entire six unit townhome in which we live, plus the surrounding townhome residents,(that's in excess of nine families) have tried for over 10 years to bring about some sort of involvement by the local authorities over the actions of the guy.

Drug dealer (medium to big depending on time of year) Dealing drugs out in the open parking lot around small kids. So many customers, it looked at times like a McDonalds drivethru. Cops could do nothing unless they eye witnessed. We had video tapes of deal going down etc. Not good enough.

One of his roommates accidently shot him in the stomach.

Mutiple police calls for disturbing the peace,fist fights etc.

Outstanding warrants.

Harboring a fugitive. That was a hoot to see 15+ squad cars from Maplewood Mn, St. Paul Mn & the Mn State Highway Patrol & Ramsey County Sheriff converge in the parking lot. All police advancing with guns drawn toward this bozos townhome.

His crackhead buddies tried to break into his next door neighbor's unit while she was home with her kid. Cops called. Crackheads split before cops arrived.

There are more, but you get the idea.
Reprehensible does not quite do justice to describe this guy.


We have tried to have his townhome unit declared uninhabitable by the city as he has trashed the inside. (broken furniture thrown outside & inside, wallpaper ripped off the wall, hanging in shreds, garbage & trash piled in living room. etc.)
Can't wait for the Hazmat team to show up today since the cops were inside his house after his arrest& saw the living conditions.

So all is well. Bad boy taken away. I'm sure there is some heavy duty psycho evaluation coming up. Not to mention,long term jail time if found competent.
And how was your day?
Book Em Danno!