Bat child has sex with tabloid reporter

I'm a codger. I read the newspaper. Yes, an actual hold it in your hands while eating breakfast, newspaper reading codger. Well, while doing that very thing today, I thought the carrier (remember when they were called paperboys?) delivered a supermarket tabloid by accident.
A couple of headlines jumped out. If you will allow me... these are real.
These were all on one page of the local section.

Partygoer dies after hotel fight: Cop say alcohol flowed; 5 arrested.

Woman convicted for role in murder: Brother's body found burned in fire pit.

Woman accused of drinking while behind the wheel: Her daughter, 10 was also in vehicle

What the hell?
I've realized for decades that the planet is headed south, but apparently I missed the part where a new subspecies of mutants was introduced into the general population.
In the first story, those arrested have "long criminal records" ranging from misdemeanors to assault (you think), domestic assault, drug possession & assault of a police officer. ( Can you say career criminals with either a really good lawyer or a pansy assed incompetent judge.)
The second story involves a conviction of premeditated 1st degree murder stemming from a simmering family dispute. The deceased was stabbed with an arrow, had head injuries, torched & dumped in a fire pit. ( There are some family members I don't always agree with, this might be a bit of an extreme measure to get your point across.)
Finally, in the third story, the accused while heading to a local casino was busted for DUI with her daughter in the car. When the cops asked if she had been drinking. The ever truthful accused said she had consumed one vodka drink. The accused then produced a glass from inside the vehicle that was estimated to 32 oz. in size. (Now we all know that we shouldn't drink & drive, but sweet Jesus, drinking while driving especially in this quantity with child on board is just a little too much. Unless your kid is of legal drinking age, then you can blame it on them.)
I guess the point of all this is just a reminder to self to cancel my subscription the The Enquirer, & The Star. I'll stick with my local paper. At least there's a chance I might actually know some of these mutants.

I Don't Get (part 2 of a continuing series)

Sarah Palin
Fox News ( closest thing we have to Fascism in the USA)
Sarah Palin
Chris Matthews ( abrasive interruptus)
Larry King (z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z)(soft ball)
Sarah Palin
Mark McGuire (shame, you spineless sack)
Right Wing Nuts (cuckoos)
Left Wing Nuts (looney tunes)
Sarah Palin (I've either developed a stutter , or I really don't get it)
Jay Leno (never was nor will be funny)
Gay marriage ban (let em suffer as do we heteros)
AMC, TV Land ( boy what crap these have become)
Congress (what ,or are you slackers thinking)
Evangelists ( may the good Lord take a liking to ya)
Sarah Palin
American Idol ( is it American Idle? get a effen life)
Barry Bonds (you make Mark McGuire look good)
Law & Order Marathons
Sarah Palin (it's so ironically funny)(definition:Almost all irony involves commentary which heightens the tension naturally involved in regarding the state and fate of a person (in the present, or the past) who badly needs to know a given fact which they could easily know, but which they do not.)
Sara Palin

Jocks Strapped

The gun toting/brandishing incident involving Gilbert Arenas & Javarias Crittenton astounds me almost to the point of disbelief.
Earlier today as I was channel flipping I came across a panel discussion on ESPN. One of the planalist called the NBA a "thug" league. Exception was immediately taken by Kevin Blackistone a regular on ESPN's "Around The Horn" His counter point was that the term thug was a euphemism for urban black man. Well Kevin, if the Nike fits, wear it. By everyone on the panels agreement, the NBA has adopted a "HIP HOP"culture.
Nowhere in professional sports is a players individuality more prominent then in the NBA, much to the detriment of said sport. Sorry, I haven't watched the NBA in four years.
I'm a geezer. I remember Earl "The Pearl" Monroe, Willis Reed, Elgin Baylor, Oscar Robertson & the fantastic Julius Irving. It was all about TEAM. The only time attitude was acceptable was when your team won the title.
These Hip Hop wannabes with their gun toting, thug activities just can't cut it anymore.
Arenas gets suspended. The verdict is out on Crittenton.
I hope a message is sent so loud & clear that it drowns out the Hip Hop bullshit.
Whatever happens to these millionaire assholes, I'm sure it will have major financial ramifications. Then you will see two, who at least moneywise, become Jocks Strapped.

Frozen Nuts

Current temperature is -12 Farenheit. Forecast is for a hell of a lot colder.
The first line in the U of M fight song is, Minnesota, hats off to thee!
That song was obviously not written in January. Take your hat off today & you'll be looking at frozen follicles. Now this may be the perfect name for a
new wave punk retro band from Minnesota. Ladies & germs... the Frozen Follicles. Opening act is Hunker Down.. That's the phrase being bandied about today. To hunker down is to settle in at a location for an extended period. That location better be inside for the next week or hypothermia will seem like a sunburn in August.
I don't know if we have an official state poet, but it should be Robert Frost.
Let's make Clarence Birdseye II an honoray state citizen..
It's one of those cold spells that takes on legendary status.
Every January for a long as this old man can remember we have one of these.
It becomes a hallmark of Minnesota winters. If we can survive this, the worst is over...Bullshit. It's still gonna be cold with snow, blowing snow, falling temps, subnormal temps for the next two months at least. It's so cold, you can sympathize if the dog starts pissing in the house.
Who or what in their right mind would voluntarily go outside to relieve themselves in this kind of weather?
If they did, the best case scenario could result in frozen nuts.
That what we who live here in winter are.. Frozen Nuts